Twilight Final: Review 3.5 Stars.

Did that wolf mouth “I rove rou”: Twilight Final Review
OK, I’m going to level with you: I don’t usually write for the review section of the Chronicle. This is punishment for a political piece that got killed, which I then Lois Lane’d anyway. So please, only hate comments because the editor has threatened to leave me here if there is a favourable reader response.
Yes, freedom of the press is dead and my career and job security across three journals has become dependent on the equivalent of a reality TV show style voting system. Thank gawd anyone that would watch one of those shows and actually vote in something like this is unlikely to also be able to read.
I’ve been informed I must use emoticons too so =D.
Further, in the name of full disclosure; I own and have read every Anne Rice book. So I know actual Vampire plot and sensual character development; leaving Twilight at a grave disadvantage from the start.
But none the less, come on now: did that wolf mouth “Ri rove rou” as it fell into that ice hole? For gosh sake you people. Like we can even tell who the freaking wolves are. They are all Jacob as far as I am concerned. He’s the only one that matters, if you can pick him you’ll follow any wolf scenes just fine (*TIP: he’s the wolf who will have his shirt off. He’s also orange).
Alright, Twilight was pretty good.
They bypassed their terrible paper lead characters; brought the awesome side characters to the fore; dodged the glitter pretty much altogether. They masked the bad writing with heaps of fight scenes. ^^ ❤
They didn’t waste too much time on the father either, GOOD. Just “Dad I know you want answers, and you deserve them too…which is why you are OFF TO HAWAII!!” (or whatever) :O.
His poignant pensive response: “Are you trying to get rid of me…cause its working ;D”.
Also didn’t waste time on his acceptance. GOOD.
Jacob you’re a werewolf, but Ive known you my whole life…OH WELL! I use to drink, we all have our things…did you hear I am going to Hawaii? XD“.
Didn’t waste too much time on the terrible “name the power to fix the plot hole” (I guess you could loosely call)  “idea”.  GOOD. Talk about poor writing. Power lamey lameness, wait-a-go with the water bender too, d*ckheads.
What a bunch of RF-Tards. But they held back to a bare minimum on even the “develop the power of shield” power; like it was ever not going to work. GOOD. (Y).
Oh, Lame lame lame “magical photo album power” final scene. What a gift that is. I have that “power” as a screen saver. It came with windows.
– Hot pain girl face fed to black wolf: awesome.
– Hot johnny Depp vision look-a-like wife chickie Val-tori master face kick; awesome.
– Killing all leads, Great fun.
-Head rip leaving lower jaw; awesome.
Worst ending since wizard of oz. What a bunch of f*cking hacks.
About what you’d expect. This is exactly the type of film that, as I understand it, you people would watch. Thankfully this film not only features less screen time for leads, but heaps more fighting scenes as well (Y).
Even if it is all ruined in the end anyway with that God awful, what I heard one woman refer to as a, “twist”. It’s not.
Take Away Comments
Must see film of the season. Probably win best picture. Disgraceful.
3.5/5.0 Stars.
First Published Jay J. Rose-Raphael (2012). Did that wolf mouth “I rove rou”: Twilight Final Review, J Chronicle in Letters and Science, 19, (11), p255.
*2nd Ed

About J.Chron.Ltt.&Sci. [JCR]

~CogSc (Humor); NeuroPsych; Philosophy (Death/Identity); Methods (Research); Intelligence/Investigation (Forensic); Medical Error~
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