Parenting: The Dual Perspective
This is a venture into the dual perspectives of parenting and outcomes, through the eyes of both the parental agent and spawn agent. It will be informed by forensic psychology and philosophy of behaviour. It shall highlight the core issue of self deceit; the importance of terminating interactions with low level destructive agents, and also valuing adequately those allies which are not. Realistic goals will be found to be a critical factor in successful dynamic party interplay, with self honesty (or its absence) as the lynchpin of virtually all campaigns and their respective end results.
Vector: A directed series of related interplays towards a specific goal. For a more full model description see App1gloss.
Spawn Agent: An agent possessing free will working for a team defined as under 26, but particularly under 18. Spawn possess the most modern intelligence for ground operations on social platforms where PA’s can not venture. Current spawn are more techno-savvy and more widely informed on world events than any team which has come before them. This trend appears exponential.
Parental Agent: A former spawn agent turned, by social pressure and accumulated knowledge, and now working in similar board space to spawn operatives, but with different objectives. They have invested interest in certain spawn agent interplays. They form alliances where necessary, but also have a far superior force and resources to spawn. They also possess the gift of foresight, temporalis luna, which spawn do not. They are also actively involved in spawn interplay on multiple vectors, where as spawn agents are far less interested in PA interactions that don’t involve them directly. This is also related to the lack of abstract sight which afflicts spawn agents.
ELFA: Extreme Low Functioning Agent. Toxic stock that for reasons largely inexplicable become poison to not only themselves, but counter productive on any task vector which involves them. This is usually restricted for recidivist violent offenders, although they will be maladaptive in other ways too. ELFA’s can not be helped. ELFA’s are only to be engaged to be avoided.
Dynamic: Dynamic interplay exchange is any interaction. It is the trading of energies in some form or another in order to impact an out come vector trajectory.
Introduction: You Are on the Same Side
Parental Agents (PA’s) and their wards (Spawn Agents) benefit most by not seeing each other as enemies. For whatever reason, this pairing has been made and not only do all involved want to survive it, but each individual agent also wants to continue to path develop, to invest energies in multiple projects, and experience autonomy.
Both parties misuse agreements. Both parties run counter intelligence and interference. Both parties change the interpretation of events to suit themselves. Both parties are predisposed to tell you that they do not, but that, yes; the other most certainly does.
The truth however remains that, with very few exceptions (see the section on ELFA’s), the parental/spawn dynamic interface contract is too resource expensive to dispense with on both sides. Therefore both benefit in actively working towards an equilibrium in energy exchange satisfaction.
This requires a great amount of self work by both sides to identify true aims (not believing those one see’s oneself spouting nor accepting inherited teachings prima facie). It requires accepting power differentials, and this includes sometimes autonomy restrictions, while trading resources are restricted or where social norms and rule of law compels.
In any event; despite the power imbalance, the board is set up in such a way that neither party can simply muscle out the other; the king can never be captured. So the question then becomes; how many moves are to be spent wasted on destroying irrelevant pieces when the quickest and smoothest path to an endgame, and one where everyone can win, is one where each move considers its aim as a part of a joint operation to ensure the avoidance of a 16-20 year stalemate.
Power Dynamics: The Empire Gorilla Differential
PA’s invariably have more power than their counters. There is sometimes cause to exercise these powers in the form of sanctions; house arrest; restricted movement; community service; freezing funds; reducing privileges; and in rare occasions, usually only justified in defence, physical response.
However, PA’s must be certain that they are not creating the “perfect storm” that may actually form the causative arm of an event outside of their best outcome scenario; one that would not have occurred on its own.
Just as spawn agents have difficulty gaining “recon” data outside of their lifespan; PA’s can find it difficult to penetrate the social platforms of certain spawn movements. This can lead to blind over reactions of PA power flexing, which serve only to inspire guerrilla style counter responses.
Lacking the power of PA’s, guerrilla responses tend to focus on the exploitation of the few things which spawn do control: in youth you can see controlling behaviours in bodily functions; bed wetting; controlling eating habits; manipulation through embarrassment focused performance, among others. In teens, however, this most often takes the form of lability or recklessness. Or both.
Recklessness can range from truancy to refusing to complete assignments to reduction of house contribution to, in the more extreme cases, teen pregnancy, heavy drug use/daily medication too soon or being caught up in some other event with difficult to foresee long term consequences (without life experience), such as generalist environmental inter-agent danger, military service or serious, sometimes violent, criminal activity and acquaintance.
Spawn agents may benefit most from realising that there are some situations that PA’s are simply better equipped to assess. This is the PA power of temporalis luna, otherwise known as wisdom.
Wisdom, for this paper, is the accruing of applied knowledge through a wealth of experience. Unfortunately for spawn agents, wisdom is an incredibly actionable form of intelligence that can not be gleaned from their personal networks; nor can it be verified without simply possessing it.
I refer to this ability as temporalis luna as literally it can be thought of as a function of having seen more moons. Even the lowest functioning, tactically deficient, PA has access to wisdom that a spawn agent can not. Difficult to process in certain circumstance, I agree.
However, It simply seems to be the case that there are events and even personality types that: 1) Lead to negative outcomes almost invariably; (2) tend to repeat along the same trajectory lines across generations and locations; and/or 3) Have long-term consequences which, despite how or what a spawn agent may think they feel or know about a matter, are in reality unquestionably opaque to their senses.
Conversely, PA’s exert influence over decisions of which they know little. They are hypocritical regarding their behaviours when they were members of spawn (before they defected) and how they responded to the same warnings from their PA’s. They also fail to know the limitations of their sight. This often encourages unwarranted overly conservative and restrictive actions, due to poor intelligence, which increase regional tension on a given vector dynamic and oppress spawn autonomy in a way likely to cause blowback.
These unrealistic expectations and attempts to control are not only often misguided, but also misinformed by, and/or unduly influenced via, spill over effects from other unrelated vectors of adjacent PA game boards (advice from that guy at garage, stern words from the uninvested chick at pilates, horror stories on the news, work stress, relationship stress, study stress, financial stress ect).
This, in turn, makes it very difficult for a spawn agent to tell the sound advice from the noise. The next section explains why this may be the case and what (if anything) either team can do about it.
Parents are People Too
Agents on both sides go their whole life without realising this simple fact. It is a cause of much desolation on both sides of the fence as PA’s become wracked with guilt (either pure or masked) and spawn blame PA’s for actions any rational agent (themselves included) may have made in their PA’s place.
Spawn agents have varying sight abilities (though never the equal of a PA). Most spawn operatives can not frame spill over effects (especially things such as relationship stress, but even things which impact their exchange vectors directly, such as financial stress). They understand the words.
However, there seems to be a quality in, for example, finance; whereby until you have had to pay your own bills you can not really understand having to pay your own bills.
The best way I can try and describe this phenomenon to a spawn agent is to ask them to try and understand that parents are you. On any level, every level, what ever you feel think or do, PA’s can (and probably have, or are currently engaged in a variant of) experience. That is right, whatever you are currently engaged in experiencing right now, they are engaged in an analogue (such as their career or their craft) right now.
And PA’s note, spawn are fully autonomous agents. By the 16th year the social contract expires and you can throw them to the wolves, with love of course. But there are certain things that can only be learned from experience, as you no doubt know. At some point you have to let them fall. Yes it is dangerous, they may well fall far, and potentially resource costly; but they are going to do it anyway. I am not saying don’t support, but there is a point where no be comes yes to something they didn’t even want and “I SAID NO DAMIT”, becomes face getting ripped off by train. Additionally; you are not always right anyway. If they are to get their face ripped off by a train, best not under your advice or reverse tutelage.
No one knows the path to success. We can only operate on honest best guesses. Unfortunately, PA’s can become so caught up in the automated social performance side of their role that the “honest” part gets left out of their advice and gets replaced with a power struggle as a response to the character (“mother” “adult” “guardian”) social identity threat.
The crux is; spawn agents may find benefit in understanding PA’s are allowed to fail, and PA’s may find benefit in accepting mild risk and allowing spawn to expand their own alternate board position sight abilities and protective scar tissue.
In what I have come to call “vicarious enlightenment”, PA’s tend to feel have a better view of a social arena than a spawn agent who is actually participating in it. The infuriating thing for spawn is that they are correct a majority of the time (probably 53%). In more general terms, with less specifics; up to 70% accuracy.
The rest of the time, however, they are just people shaking some sound waves without a recording contract. This perhaps needs to be acknowledged. But still, 5-7 out of every 10 guesses is a pretty good hit rate. How does a PA convince a spawn agent of this benefit? And how does a spawn operative identify and communicate to a PA when they feel the intel has fallen in the 30% on this one?
The answer to this one falls to novel territory. Since it involves an area in each of the others’ blind spot, there is no simple answer to be found here; but rather negotiation is needed. As a point of fact, it is well supported that by teen years it is the peers and older siblings, not PA’s, who dictate world view influence. This can be helpful or terrifying as a concept (since all spawn tend to lack vision to a similar degree of their immediate contemporaries).
The main problem is the temporalis luna. The stress for the PA comes from knowledge that there are situations out there that, if spawn can only get the information you possess in an accessible manor, they literally will be protected from some very bad things. Things that they all but certainly will be ill equipped to protect themselves from otherwise.
The level of PA distress finds two main sources 1) There is a presently highly predictable long-term blood contract in effect (Love); 2) for reasons of far less noble: conditioned, informal social control mechanisms Usually both apply in varied amounts.
The answer? Well, again, one possible position is “the training wheels have to come off sometime”. Let the spawn roll their own dice, offer your support to assist in an emergency should one occur, or help to pick up the pieces if required after. And for the most part just accept that your child may be disfigured, die or end up diseased or in prison from things you could have easily prevented with the knowledge you have of the world. And then sleep easy (spoken like a true childless theoretician).
I am just uncertain as to the options in reality.
Understand; this doesn’t mean if a spawn agent says hey mum and dad, can you buy me an HKG46 assault riffle, I wanna put the x-box in the bathtub with the toaster and eat waffles while playing halo with a real gun, that you say “sure honey! And while your at it why not see if this is heroin in this baggy I found in the gutter outside the super market; I asked a hobo and he said looks like it, but he didn’t want to try it first, so he’s bringing in a needle as soon as his buddy is finished with it and then if you survive I promised him half…”
But it may mean sleeping over at a girlfriends or being picked up from a party the next morning isn’t the riskiest trade off for keeping comm lines open and recon detail active just that little bit longer. Indeed, the party they have to sneak to and get a ride with some bikers without you even knowing where they are is probably going to be that tad riskier than the one you take them too and they are satiated because they scored a lift.
It is just a fact that somewhere between 16-26 you probably aren’t going to be there to put the condom on for them, write that assignment or reload their HKG46 because the waffles are getting wet cause the toaster ain’t floats good.
WAIT, not that last one. If you can’t load, eat and play: get out of the bath tub, I say.
But I think there might be something in the rest and/or with the underlying point.
Spawn Trade: Understanding Concessions
Spawn agents may benefit in noting that, with the exception of PA solicited of ELFA exposure, there are concessions to many home environments.
It is difficult to comprehend, though the words may make sense, that living with a housemate who pays all their share of the bills on time; and your share; doesn’t eat your food; and in fact buys all your food; and cooks it for you; does their own dishes; and doesn’t steal your stuff; and rarely parties all night with their music blaring when they know you have to get up in the morning; and sometimes gives you lifts places; and rarely hooks up with anyone you are dating if they turn up when you are out: is actually a reasonably adequate arrangement.
What you gain in autonomy you loose in some of the things that you may have become accustomed to.
Whether this is a worthwhile trade or not depends on you. But if are getting food, money or even if you just have a slice of bread a day and are out of the rain: that’s pretty good.
All house mates suck. But you won’t have much more control over agents in the world than you do your PA’s so this is as good a time as any to spend on self work to become as mentally invincible as possible.
Both spawn agents and PA’s benefit from statecraft.
Do not let weaker people usurp your power, ever. But this usually means the opposite to what people think. It is more powerful to play a smart long game focused on known self identified goals then to, say, hit a teacher with a golf club.
Teachers don’t matter. They are either helpful or inspirational or furniture. Do not exert energy in any form on furniture. It is difficult to justify to yourself.
All agents benefit from not wasting power on fruitless endeavours, and using self honesty with reflective knowledge to think for oneself, and to create and target more desirable goals in a more direct manor. Let the aim always be more power maintained than given to those unworthy, and a better application of power to more actively selected goal directed areas.
Both PA’s and spawn should treat negotiations across power differentials like statecraft. Know each others weaknesses. This will help you to avoid drafting treaties that you know are bound to fail. Short sighted self and opponent knowledge deficient plans only serve to compromise your independent vectors.
You may both have to make concessions. But the alternative is: If you try to topple the government (especially if either of you succeed) you will both loose trading partners and cause regional instability which will impact all other board arenas in your respective lives. There may even be potential long term consequences.
This engagement is no different to any other that will be faced in life, except it is more conveniently interdependent. When you come to the table, be prepared to treat the other as an end in themselves. The trade must be honest and worthwhile for both.
Building an Agent/Counter Agent Inclusive Exchange Interface Database
When building an agent client database for lifelong positive dynamic interplay; family can be a fantastic place to begin. However, mere blood relation is far from sufficient for any agent to be given special treatment that would not be extended to any other agent acting in a similar manor on the street. This applies in all basic exchanges, saving those afforded protection under law as part of the PA’s choice to carry a child to term.
This may or may not be unfair, however it is the rules of the game and the PA knew this to be the case (or thought they did) upon accepting the campaign. Any PA with misgivings on this matter must take them up with themselves during their self work. This is not a failing of the spawn agent nor the game rules as much as it is a failing in the decision making system of the PA and, unfortunate as that may be (especially late in the game), is best treated as such.
This does not mean it can not be addressed intelligently, in a guilt free manor which is of core base satisfaction for all parties, if required. The cooling off period may be less than 6 months, but the lease does not have to be renewed at 16. Spawn is out of one’s days almost immediately if desired; from full time child care to the K-12.
This gift continues well past the social lease expiry date of 16 and runs right up to the legal full support exodus age of approximately 18. A PA’s ability to capitalise of expiration dates will depend on if the self work has fixed the temporal, and other, mapping errors that resulted in the original poor campaign decisions. But if not, let the PA carry this burden alone.
Which leads to the next point; blood is not that much thicker than water.
Blood is Not That Much Thicker Than Water:
“Love” as True Positive Prediction Probability
Blood is not that much thicker than water. This is born out both via viscometer and the line spread test (Shrivistaver et al, Anls. Chem: 2005). This has both positive and negative implications depending on your position.
For one, a spawn agent may consider that a PA does not owe them anything. Under any circumstances of merit beyond the bare minimum. You also have the option to return the same if you wish.
Maybe you were a mistake. This really isn’t that big a deal. Most scientific discoveries are accidents and why can’t parents realise 5 or 10 years in that they have made a horrible mistake? That they didn’t want this, people just told them they did and they believed them. Oops! And now they need to bail on the deal as much, as humanely, but also as soon as possible. After all, parents are people too (see section “Parents Are People Too”).
Additionally, there is absolutely no inherent reason for a family to be close. This is a romantic, but empty, notion that causes as many problems as it solves. This is especially highlighted when your family tree is full of d*ckheads. Or worse (see ELPA’s).
When a PA misses the 6 month cooling off period, the only commitment made is to attempt to keep enough energy aside from other projects to ensure the relative protection and survival of a spawn agent for an extremely limited period of time.
Rather, a better way to look at this is perhaps to say that family often spend a great amount of time together. They share experience through often novel and formative times for both sides; and sometimes as long as a decade or two (or more) is all spent in close proximity. This is, of course, a fantastic opportunity to gather longitudinal data in an environment that can be appropriately framed into contextualised information piles that will ultimately form valid actionable intelligence products, for reliable use in later life exchanges.
This is what someone means when they say “I love you” and mean it: it is the equivalent of “I can predict you”. This is with reference to your behaviour sets under certain volatile or social performance necessary conditions. As should be obvious, there is a great deal of benefit in being able to accurately predict the actions of other agents, both allies and counters.
This is why hate can form such a strong and motivating bond as well, especially when you form an alliance in-group to stand together against a common threat. This is why the enemy of your enemy is your friend; common hate.
Further, uniting in hate to “know thy enemy” will generate in-group “love”: as the predictive power of your personal system to accurately anticipate your allies’ behaviour under the volatile situation of a conflict with the identified enemy increases. That is “love”.
It is also why “love” dissipates when “people change” or “grow apart” or “are not the one I married”. “I thought I loved you, but I don’t even know who you are anymore” aka the prediction matrix of your behaviour sets in given circumstances that I have been operating under is generating erratic results which make you more difficult to harness for my goals and are thus producing a threat warning. That is no less romantic than TV love, it is a host component to the truth anyway. People can label anything how they want, this will still be the case, no matter how little people choose to think about it.
This is also why when someone you love betrays you (ie acts in a way violating prediction with regards to an implicit agreement which you had faith in), it is upsetting: because if your predictions are inaccurate you are not safe.
And if you can not trust (predict) the ones you love (have the best intelligence on), then who can you predict? This is a very threatening situation indeed. <3. <3.<3.
Do Not Overcompensate: The “Pseudo-Love” Maladaptation
There is a pathological system response whereby, when a love prediction matrix fails, an agent malfunctions. This is what happens when self honesty is absent from loving relationships. The result is PA’s who are fundamentally maladaptive, forcing a pretence, sometimes taking it as far as to tolerate ELFA’s in their primary path vectors.
It can also be seen in spawn agents idolising ELFA PA’s or entering unbalanced and unsafe intimate relationship contracts with ELFA’s. Unbalanced trades, hindered path progression and sharing intelligence with likely counterintelligence agents for the social right to proclaim safety where there is none through “love”, is a huge and potentially high cost mistake.
When a prediction matrix fails, you take a different tack and in the mean time design a different love criteria so you do not put yourself under threat in the same way again. False security is worse than no security and you can fool some of your brain part of the time, but you can not fool all of your brain any of the time.
False love is no love and it will make you sick. It will cause your brain to combat itself as it tries to obey conflicting orders.
When a prediction system is faulty (betrayal), an agent must regroup and reflect. But most importantly, when a grade “Love” prediction matrix fails, an agent must be especially vigilant; for this is a vulnerable time. Any time spent in “pseudo-love” maladaptation is merely lost time for repairs and there will (inevitably) be another failure when this fraud is undone, causing further damage to cognitive structures that will need to be additionally repaired with fewer resources.
Agent, do not overcompensate.
Never give your power away[i] and know your goals[ii]. You can not easily be goal directed if you do not. If you are choosing to be upset about something, you had better know why. If your reaction is unmetered or outdated it may need to be changed. This comes from watching your mind as it reacts to situations and asking if “this” is a goal supported behaviour or not.
In this way one can “pull out wires” that no longer lead to goal approved outcomes. Also, the brain does this by itself; you do not have to do anything but self observe as honestly as you can and the brain takes care of the rest. Pretty neat huh?
If you are uncertain, then your action is inaction[iii]. If there is a time pressure, you make a call based on core principles that you have developed for such situations. Start thinking about who you are at your ideal currently; the principles are in there. Always preference right now, but with awareness that there very well may be a future[iv] (there often is). Never act blindly, but always favour action over inaction, unless in-action is your action[v]
Never act with force beyond which you genuinely care about a situation, or where the outcome is too insecure. This only wastes energy with the potential of producing even more energy expensive situations down the line, when if you knew your self better you’d be aware that you don’t really care about the whole ordeal from exchange one (where it best have been halted).
Self knowledge leads to better path oriented tactical decisions.
Motivation Versus Manipulation I: Strategic/Tactics Spawn Agent
Without getting too far into game theory, this all important distinction really depends on what kind of a psychological profile you have of your PA’s and/or spawn.
If there is some kind of deal being struck, like “do x and I’ll give you Y”; it must be asked, is this an honest trade?
If a PA has a desired social aim (eg having spawn agent achieve certain grades) and also possesses the means and willingness to dispense the desired reward (eg buy spawn a car), then, in this situation, it is a mutually beneficial trade. This is a reasonable contract to enter into.
However, spawn must ask: are PA’s good on their word? Are they going to constantly shift the goal posts? Shift the goals in the final round? Over what time span does this contract extend? Is it 12 months? Is it 5 years? Does what they are asking unbalance spawn potential aims?
If PA’s are prone to hold something “over” spawn as a tool of manipulation, if every dish left in a room, if ever time one sleeps through an alarm or stays out late results in: “RIGHT! NO CAR!!”. Do not enter this contract on the level.
Instead, enter into the contract accepting you will never succeed in achieving the car. This will switch the manipulative power as you feign threat of loss for an object which is not really even in your goal acquisition equation.
Also, in this way when they pull out their “ace in the whole” and finally deny the reward of the car; it will have no effect on anyone but them (as it has the entire time).
Similarly, they will always hesitate to go that final step of saying “RIGHT, NO X”; for fear of loosing a leverage that they never had. This can last for years, a decoy defending real targets from attack.
If the contract spans 2 years or more, too much can happen in years. This is manipulation pure and simple; especially if the idea was proposed under some kind of duress. But even if not, the parent may not even realise that the reward is not forthcoming. But in an adversarial system, it is very likely not forthcoming.
One never has anything until it is in their hand. Carry this in every moment.
If the reward motivation payoff is not fully understood, assume it is false.
Slave bondage of this variety is the same chain mechanism that keeps PA’s in work roles, relationship roles and feeds into the conditioning passed down from their PA’s which was passed down from their PA’s, which for a large part from there arguably came, more or less, directly from the military.
Almost anywhere you trace your heritage back to, that position can be argued for.
Motivation Versus Manipulation II: Strategic/Tactics PA
PA’s, holding the high ground on nearly all power markers, you benefit most from simply being on the level. Buy a congressman, so to speak.
Just hold up your end of the bargain verily. Negative reinforcement can not be used with positive reinforcement, there is a cancelling effect. Especially when self efficacy is really the aim here.
If “x” is for “y”, do not bring it up in under the threat context of “q”. If a spawn agent ignores your requests to take out the trash or to help in the yard, but then their grades come back satisfactory; you have won the long game.
It is about ensuring you keep in focus the utility weight of one day of yard work versus the vicarious and tangible social rewards (which across a lifespan may pay generous dividends on many vectors) of ensuring spawn success with your foresight. Remember; spawn agents can not verify wisdom, they can only understand it as knowledge, which is to say they do not understand it.
Alternatively, break trade rewards into segments.
The same way video games keep attention through reward methods such as “levelling up” so to can PA’s break rewards into many achievable goals. A desired reward “x” increases with every grade “y”. This recognises each level and makes rewards real and more frequent; making success more achievable and improving self confidence in spawn.
Further, always remember a spawn agents lack foresight. It is simply not consistently in their bag of tricks yet, for most of them anyway (I am fairly comfortable saying nearly all). As such, the strategic manoeuvre “you are not thinking about end of semester exams…how about if I promise a reward in 2 years time?” does not make a whole lot of sense.
Think about smoking and the deterrent pictures on the packet. This was aimed at bringing the future consequences to the now. This was incredibly successful; once smokers reached age about age 30 the number of smokers completely leveled out.
Finally, autonomy and modelling. PA’s must not be hypocritical in their displays; living their lives in a way which runs counter to their words. The mother in an abusive relationship telling the daughter “yeah, but don’t you ever put up with a guy treating you this way” is notoriously ineffective.
Same with drinkers saying “don’t do drugs”, or screamers screeching “STOP YELLING YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT”.
The worst yet “Don’t end up like me/I want a better life for you”. No, you need a better life for you: then the spawn agent will be fine.
I know the other side of this comes from the “parents are people” premise, I understand this; however on purely strategic grounds this is inefficient.
You can not live their life for them and just hand it back at the end so they can see how a life should be lived and acknowledge how well you’ve done. The more constricted an approach in one arena, an equal opposite increase in risk, to restore autonomy, can be expected in an area that is unseen in turn.
Forgiveness and Concession: The Piss Milk Dilemma
Ultimately forgive everyone, because nothing really matters.
And do not sweat the little things. What these cost you in increased blood pressure, wasted heart beats (your heart may only has so many beats in it) and misplaced energy into banal conflict with little or no gain is by far superior in degree. Simply disengage, or engage things with wonder and curiosity eg;
“What an interesting play; this is wonderful chance to hone detachment to objects, especially low level ones. What information can I glean… is this deliberate or are they faulty on this vector? And what alternative responses do I have to correct this with the least amount of energy, with a preference for not engaging this agent at all. Ideally, neither directly or indirectly”
Rather than something more akin too:
“Why does the c*nt leave the f*king milk out every single time. I’m sure their coffee was great, with my milk. Oh man, that makes it somehow so much worse, and I refuse to question how and in what ways that could be true. Mine has to be black now. I actually don’t mind black coffee but that is not the f*king point. Oh ho, I know what I am going to do; let this ruin my day, cascade in to further conflicts with unrelated agents, and lower the standard of everything I do to generate more problems down the line. And then I am going to force a direct confrontation the very next time I see them. And the next time I buy milk, I’m going to piss in it. I am going to piss in my own milk and drink piss milk just so when they have my milk and leave it on the bench; they will have drunk piss milk. MUBAHAHA”
This may sound like hyperbole, but it really isn’t. Well, a lot of people only piss in the milk metaphorically, this is not true of all however (I grew up on the south side of the river).
As for the rest; people may lack the self honesty to see, but those are the commands the senior sub executives are giving to their respective systems alright. And all because they have not been trained properly.
The Wrong Crowd: From ELFA males to ELFA juniors
Extreme low function agents (ELFA) do certainly exist. In many cases it is their kids who tend to be the potential next generation to inherit the mantle; the junior low functioning adult agents in the making (ELFAjr). It is the ELFAjr who are more colloquially known as “the wrong crowd”. Two things need be remembered however:
1) ELFA juniors do not always grow into ELFA adults.
2) Good kids also party.
Let us assume for this section that parental agents have managed to find the strength and sense to avoid ELFA’s in their own lives (a rather generous assumption). ELFA males are definitely the worst, for reasons beyond the scope of this piece. In short; they are larger and more aggressive than their counterparts. ELFA pairs can both create, and sustain, each other and ELFA parents, for all best intentions, can only be of assistance to their offspring if they get out of their lives. At least until they have finished their self work.
Things are always well when things are well; it is the one time they are not that can ruin your day like a nuclear bomb.
This is what has been called the “unreality of death effect”(UDE) in the JRG encyclopaedia. More commonly “it will never happen to me” syndrome. Adult agents certainly do not master UDE by any stretch; and by the time they begin to: “it” often has happened to them; and there is no one to talk to about it because everyone else still has UDE.
PA’s, do not tolerate ELFA’s. They need to sort themselves out. And even then, they haven’t. And if you are with them, perhaps your self work is falling behind as well. Spawn, PA’s that are ELFA’s are owed less than nothing. PA’s who expose spawn to ELFA’s are equally responsible.
The Sins of the Father: ELFA’s
When dealing with ELFA’s, it is key to consider that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour (see Basic Forensic Psychology JChrnls, 2012).
Violent crime in the family, or anywhere, deserves far less leniency than any other path blocking behaviour set.
There can be compassion for how an agent comes to develop irrational internal systems so dysfunctional that they can not even accept help they are asking for on a particular vector. But as previously stated, if the options are 1) a probability of them going down due to inherent toxicity, or 2) both of you going down because of engagement with them to “help” or any other reason: there is no real “choice” here, per se, for the rational agent.
That is why this section is called “Sins of the Father”. How far back are we allowed to go in a cycle to excuse the behaviour of a current living executive agent? To their parents or lack of parents? To their grandparents? How about back to original sin?
“Yeah, I wish I didn’t drink every day and put cigarettes out our daughter too, I don’t mean it, just at the time I get so angry… but come on Shelia have a heart, you know what my past was like; maybe if Adam didn’t eat that damn apple…”
It is all unacceptable. Agents who engage executive function in a toxic manor must be left to poison themselves. They can not be helped and most are unwilling when it comes down to doing the difficult self work anyway. It is a defining trait of this subclass.
Searching for the “Father” and “Mother” does occur, irrespective of youth experience. Just as there is a chance that you will die some day, so too is there a reasonably good chance that your parents will die someday, irrespective of how they treated you. But seeking happens before this, in exchange dynamics in high school relationships; work relationships; intimate partnership relationships.
The archetypal view of the mother as “caregiver” and father as “protector authoritarian” is inbuilt in all of us. But it has absolutely nothing to do with our actual parents. Whether an agent has a vague familiar background of the archetypal experience description or not is completely irrelevant. All seek. And beyond that, remember how parents are people, like you; ie the pure archetypes are not even real as actualities, for anyone, anywhere in the world.
Further, there is great danger in pretending that this is not so, for it exaggerates seeking from a perceived absence of something that doesn’t even exist. In doing so, this impairs judgement in sometimes fatal ways (with regards to long term relationship contracts in particular).
Biology, for those interested, is no excuse either. Though, arguably, this would fall under a “sins of the father” excuse anyway. None the less, thanks to genetic recombination as little as a quarter of parental ELFA DNA is shared with spawn agents. Not that there is any good evidence at this time that any of these behaviours are explainable organically. Especially beyond executive learning control. And not for a lack of looking on the part of scientists either.
Some agents choose to wire toxic, or choose not to halt it, and though that is their right, the poison is best contained at distance, lest inevitable path deflection be encountered by trading energy with cognitive waste products.
Questions of Forgiveness: Dealing with ELFA’s
Forgiveness is a powerful and important tool. But it does not include having or maintain contact with lower level social participants. It is their right to destroy their life, and I am sure they all have their own demons and, potentially, can’t even see what they are doing with any clarity. Well boohoo; cry me a river and drown yourself somewhere else would you please.
ELFA stories are invariably tragic, but that is neither here nor there. There are many many tragic stories out there, but only very few use this toxic energy to become lifelong ELFA’s.
An agent will find great merit on multiple vectors if they always carry themselves with compassion when engaging in agent interactions; but it is not of any benefit, indeed it is detrimental, for an agent to weaken their own core power by engaging in energy exchange dynamics with identified ELFA’s. Low functioning persons with a tendency to destroy anything positive around them are not made of the kind of goal congruent material any rational agent can actively take part in with good faith.
It is unfortunate, and we can even forgive them for it: but that does not mean in any sense that we ever have to actively stay in their company or have anything to do with them. This predominantly applies to violent offences, because most everything else is (I think both strictly and more usefully speaking) in your own head and is best dealt with there. Any exchanges with ELFA’s, despite the best of intentions, will have a poison result.
The only time ELFA’s are approved an energy allowance is when they are being removed. In this case it is prudent to give them high cognitive energy full task priority for the duration of the interaction to ensure the most expedient outcome and a swifter return to path oriented activity minus the blocking influence of ELFA flailing.
Must All ELFA’s be Removed?
Yes. By definition. And expediently.
Are There Exceptions If I Love them?
No. And you don’t love them anyway. But that moves beyond the scope of this piece.
To suffice it to say, if the ELFA’s are identified and there is any compulsion to contact them, this is a system flaw on your end. This can be adjusted with self work and has nothing to do with continuing to expend energy into dead space. In fact, that is energy not reinvested on the required self work to identify, flag and understand/more appropriately alleviate toxic motivators in order to not only leave this particular ELFA to be picked up by some other hapless agent, but to also avoid initiating ELFA contact with future unknown agents as well.
The exact how’s and why’s of any specific dynamic, at the end of the day, vary dramatically. It all comes down to who you are, who you think they are and what your aims are path wise.
However, pattern recidivist conflicting goal aims are of no benefit kept on any primary vector by any successful agent under any circumstances. The action sequence taken may differ, but the end result remains the same: approved targeted removal of toxic collateral form every single relevant dynamic, with prejudice.
Everything is ultimately open for debate, but if the question is “should I enact a goal plan that will hinder the achievement of my goals”; the answer comes in the form of a vulgar and twisted, question begging, tautology.
Conclusion: Cognitive Restructuring
Forgive yourself. You will miss tricks, mishandle plays from incorrectly constructed intelligence, and some wires are very difficult to pull out completely (with various cascade locations and social reinforcements of insane mal-behaviour sets at every turn).
Don’t ever be too hard on yourself; you can only do what you can with the energy you have[vi]. And you can only have done what you did. It is always the next play that matters. And hold other agents to these same standards, just beware of serial offenders and never reach beyond your reserves (because you can not commit properly and your systems will, not only hold back computational resources, but they will work to out compete each other with disastrous results. 111.
One order set; matching one (current) omni-dimensional path core (to also fall back on in crisis); issued from the one executive command centre, for subordinates processing units to follow.
Sub units each handle and “path integrate” the “omni” component; an agent’s many desires. Sub unites flag dissonance conflict for the executive, and the executive recalculates the “now” with the “path core”, and vice versa.
What you know as “you” is one fraction of that chain of command, but arises from it all (different parts at any given time).
In application, an agent can be internally consistent and self reliant. By correcting your side of dynamic exchange in an honest way, with awareness of self through observation of reaction and path core construction (and interpretation), you can better direct your current desired outcomes in a realistic manor; irrespective of the actions taken by other agents in the field.
Jay J Rose-Raphael (2012). Parenting: The Dual Perspective, J. Chronicle in Letters and Science, 19, (11), 203-213.
[nb 7-10k requires 10 edit and 5 split minimum – Bill]
Try:- “Student loans Are Expensive”
[i] J JR Raphael (1989-Present). JJR Grimoire Collection Encyclopaedia, Philosophy of life Chapter, un-ed. [Int to Sub Chron Lett for Copy-Edit, 2012-13]